how DID I GET HERE?

The vast majority of my life I would have classified myself as a type A, perfectionist, high achiever.  I was the first person in my family to go to college, get a Masters Degree, do sports - you name it, I did it - many firsts!  I became a fitness instructor and taught high intensity fitness classes.  I taught students with special needs, got married, had two kids, started a photography business so I could stay home with them, etc. etc. etc. I never slowed down. I was constantly pushing myself to do more. I was always busy. I played hard.  I lived hard. I rarely slept. Literally was the Energizer Bunny.  I was always intense. 

After years of seemingly unrelated (yet related) symptoms and after some major stress events…  In 2011, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.   

I was immediately thrust into an unfamiliar world of autoimmunity and into an autoimmune paradigm that never felt right from the start.  Upon it being declared that I had a “disease,” I was presented with three notebooks at that neurologist’s office with three different pharmaceutical drugs. I was told that I had to pick one or I would become disabled or die quickly. I was told there were no other options. I was 33 and terrified. My kids were 4 and 2. 

Based on that conversation and me in a tremendous fear state, I scoured the notebooks and chose the one that I thought was the least interfering in my family’s life, because I truly believed what the "specialists" told me -  that pharmaceuticals for my "disease" were the only path and if I didn't follow it, I "wouldn't last long" - yes, that was an actual quote from a former neurologist.

Multiple Sclerosis symptoms impacted me immensely for 6.5 years. My decline was gradual for many years, slowly losing the ability to run, hike, bike, walk more than a ½ mile when I used to do Tough Mudders, run races, and be incredibly active. I was a teacher and a fitness instructor.  I used to drag the right side of my body. My balance was horrendous. You could hug me and I would fall over if I didn’t catch myself. I had a difficult time lifting my right leg, experienced drop foot, and excessive weakness on the right side of my body. Invisibly, I fought severe fatigue, significant cognitive fog, impaired word retrieval, hot and cold temperature sensitivity, numbness, lack of feeling in my right foot, tingling, burning, and slurring of my words, especially as the severe fatigue crept in daily. I am/was a master compensator so I constantly tried to make it so no one knew how bad I was getting.  In the Fall of 2017, my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms were so debilitating that I had to quit my teaching job.  

It NEVER felt right from the start but I didn't know stress is the cause of dis-ease.  

NO ONE ever even inquired about my stress levels.